Photo by Rex Pickar on Unsplash

Death My Dear Friend,Thank You

You entered my life unexpectedly 30 years later to tell me I’m yours. The shocking truth that shattered my world. The deception, the grief, the lies. I cried night after night not knowing how or when to tell the man I once called daddy, I wasn’t his. There was an ache I felt deep within my heart and hurt that was dormant in my eyes. So many questions to ask. So many words that cluttered my brain. You came with unexpected news. You didn’t just enter my life to claim me, but to leave me. You were dying! News that stole you away from me before I had even claimed you. I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad ? Overwhelmed with emotions and not knowing whether it was a blessing or curse, made my heart ache. What was I to do? Multiple myeloma was your Grim Reaper and now it had became my nemesis because we shared the same DNA. You wanted something that I couldn’t give. Something that I didn’t know how to give. I had mastered it so well but to the wrong man, oh how I failed miserably displaying it to the right one. My life forever changed that day. Now, not just facing one battle, but another. Before it was just about me, but now it affected my family. Death lurked over our heads as it played with the precious time we had left, but yet I still struggled to find the words to define who I was. We tried to capsule 30 years in a few months, but there just wasn’t enough time. Not enough time to give hugs or kisses and call you daddy. Not enough time to tell you about how hard it was growing up in Brooklyn. Not enough time to introduce you to your grandchildren and have the luxury of hearing them call you grandpa. Not enough time to sit and watch a movie with you, while falling asleep knowing you would be right there when I woke. Not enough time to take a family photo or enjoy family gatherings. Death attacked you while still living. You laid in the hospital bed, frightened and scared, unable to move or talk. Not expecting to go this way. Death, it didn’t just sneek up on you, it snuck up on us. As I uttered the words “I love you “over the phone it created the downpour of enormous tears that rolled down your fragile face and hit your pillow like a sledgehammer. The tears that you probably would’ve shed by accomplishing some of our future plans. The tears that filled your sockets of your love and emotions you felt just laid there with you and died. Quietly and profusely rolling. I wanted you to know I appreciated that you took the time to find me. Maybe there was a silver lining. Would you have seeked me if you weren’t dying? Did dying play a part in our story? Should I be thankful for death or upset at it for taking you too soon? I asked myself these questions, but no one to answer. For now my lenses had captured the beauty of your heart and I forever treasured the time we spent. Just to let you know our love didn’t also die, it emerged. I wasn’t just blessed with one dad, but two. Death my dear friend, thank you!