I live inside my head. Constantly screaming and talking to myself. No one can hear me. All they can see is a painted mask. A round face, wide eyed and pleasant smile. A show of contentment. As I sink further and further into the depths of darkness I stretch my hands out, reaching for a grasp. No one shows and no one asks.
I continue to scream. Deeper and deeper I sink, as I gaze through my windows surrounded by my loved ones. No one can see past my broken smile that lingers , skin that aches, mind that’s weary and heart that’s buried.
I’m sending an SOS out. Suddenly, my blinks increase and I’m asked if there’s something wrong with my eyes. My response is delayed and little do I realize, my mouth starts to move and my brain’s playing catch up. “ I…I…I just lost my train of thought, that’s all”, I said. A lie, followed by my joker smile. It came natural to me I’ve been doing this for awhile. But it’s ok because “she always have it together”, they say. Forgiven for the one time that I was off track. Back to reality. Let’s resume. Hopefully there will be a next time, if I’m not already consumed.
